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Meet Tanya

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To be honest, I thought everyone went through life with some sort of crap and figured that it’s just all the same.  I carried that around for such a long time, and became numb to the reality of it all. At that time I never realized that every story is uniquely different.  Every book has a different title and in that book comes with it many different chapters with details unique to its lessons.  I have now realized that I am as unique as my story.

Until I started talking about it, and then I started hearing people talk about their stories and while they are talking I can still see and hear the wound, anger, pain behind it all …They were just telling one story and I had many … but yet, for some reason, I noticed that I could talk about it with people and share a sense of hope and forgiveness that was really real in my own heart.

Looking back, there are some real dark times in my life where I didn’t share and was very angry….omg, you should see some of those home videos.  I am like”who is that person.” Others saw it but just didn’t know what to do with it.  I could relate to the evil and ugly step sisters in Cinderella or any evil villain in stories.  They all had some reason to hate, get even, even if it meant…well you know.  I remember that feeling of getting all that I could.  Oh, I was smiling on the outside, but in every situation, I just wanted to win.  Even if I didn’t win, in some way in my own evil mind and way of thinking I won.  Wow!  I had to express the pain and anyone could pay for it! My attitude was take, take, take!!  Why would I give?  Give what?  I had given already and in my mind it only led to hurt, pain and wounds.

I still see that in some people who try to mask their pain. I get that.  The confusion of saying “leave me alone,” because what that person really wants to say is “please stay, hold me, tell me it will be alright!”

One day I was walking in a library and was just skimming titles of books, I saw this book called “The Prophet.” In this book, the author describes sadness and joy in a way that I could relate.  He said that the same well that was dug for sadness is the same well that can hold joy.  That very moment I got just a taste of joy because I was the only human being who knew the depth of pain I was holding.  Wow!  If I could have that much joy, then I was in for a real treat!  That is when hope began in me.  A glimpse of something different.


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